Akatsuki's Random Days in High School
by Nani-Chan
Summary: Yay for the sucky summary. A random day in high school for each of the Akatsuki members. First up: Zetsu.


**Yay! It's Zetsu!**

**Erm... Yeah. This one's longer than my other story and _hopefully_ less suckish.**

**I'll do a series consisting of random days in High School for each Akatsuki member and Zetsu's one random day is first!**

**Bold-Dark Side of Zetsu**

Light-Light side of Zetsu

**Bold**/Light-**They said it at the same time**

**Rate & Review please. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki...**

**_Nani-Chan_**

**_--_**

_Ring. Ring. Riiiing. _

The sound of the bells pounded against the man's skull as he strode into the school, informing him that he was late. Eh, nothing bad or out of the ordinary. His friends were always late as well, but the bell also caused the other half of his personality to start complaining... As usual.

**"Ah! Shut the damn things off!"**

"Shut up. They'll be off in a second."

_Ring. Ring. Riiiing._

"... Don't you say a word."

_Riiiing._

Zetsu adjusted his blue sweater that was a bit too large for him, tugging at the sleeves and the bottom. High school uniforms sucked, as stated by his 'Other half'. They never had the right sizes._ And _they never matched. He had painted himself, one half of his body white, the left side, and the other black, the right side, suggesting the two sides of his personality. People often stared because of it, but he never really minded. Or noticed that much. Well, at least his white side didn't, anyway. The white side of him? Caring, a bit quiet. The black side? Loud, rude, and always wanting a snack. A fleshy snack.

**"Where's Itachi? And Deidara? And Sasori?" **

"I don't know... Be quiet, though. We're already late, do you want to get busted as well?"

What few other students were left in the halls started to drift away, chatting amongst themselves and a few of them glancing at Zetsu as they walked.

**"I don't really care. School sucks anyway." **Zetsu glared at one of the people who looked at him, making that particular student run into a locker.

"Fine." He agreed with himself, reading the small print of his schedule with his golden eyes. Zetsu couldn't remember his classes to save his life. "First class: Biology?"

**"Biology? If we're dissecting anything..."**

"Yeah, well..."

**-**

**"Why does it have to be frogs?"** Zetsu muttered under his breath, right hand quivering, scalpel within his grasp. A dead amphibian stared up at him with glassy, cloudy eyes, its face frozen in a look of terror.

Even though Zetsu was late to class, his teacher, Ms. Syn, had informed him after the rest of the class had already started that they were dissecting frogs.

"Oh stop whining..."

**"I don't dissect **_**animals**_**..." **He whispered to himself.

"Oh, but you're fine with dissecting humans?"

**"Mmm... Yeah, pretty much. Infact... I think we should dissect the teacher instead of the frog..." **

"What?! No!" He replied, a little to loudly, a few other students turning to look at him with strange expressions. Zetsu glared at them. "What are you looking at?" He hissed, causing them to go back to their business.

**"Ha. I think I'm rubbing off on you."**

"Shut up. If we don't do this we fail this class..."

**"What's your point?"**

"If we fail the class, we fail the _mission_."

Zetsu frowned a little bit. He sighed. **"Fine. Just... Do **_**something**_** with it..." **

"Hide it under the table?"

**"No, the stupid broad will notice." **

"We could give it someone else..."

**"We don't have anybody we know in this class..." **

He hummed for a moment and looked to the ceiling, as if thinking. "Think anybody would notice if I ate it?"

**"Yea-No." **He replied with a grin that faded instantly. **"But I'm not watching." **

_Chomp. Crack. Pop. Munch. Munch. Munch. _

At least half of the students in the class turned to look at Zetsu, peering with wide-eyes. He held a half-eaten frog in his grasp, what little blood was left in the frog and the some of the innards spilling over his hand. Half of its spine stuck out along with its ribs. Some of the students started to run out of the room, clutching their stomachs in sickness. Others stayed, mostly the boys, waiting to see if he would take another bite. The teacher looked at the boy, her face becoming a bit green in the cheeks.

She placed her finger over her mouth momentarily, trying not to barf. "Z-Zetsu-u... Prinicpal's o-of-" She rushed out of the room, her heels flying off as she ran.

**"Bye Ms. Syn." **Zetsu said.

He stuck a hand to his forehead, shaking his head slightly. "Shit. What have we done?"

**"**_**You**_** ate half of a frog. And now you're about to eat the other half." **He replied as his other side popped the rest of the animal into his mouth.

"That's the last time I use any of your ideas..." He muttered with his mouth full.

**"Don't even start. You're the one who suggested it."**

"...Shut up."

_"Zetsu, to the principal's office." _A raspy voice on the intercom crackled.

**"Damn/**Damn.**" **

-

Zetsu sat just outside of the office, looking at all of the pictures of past principals that hung on the wall and playing a game with himself, trying to relieve the boredom.

"Mmm... Twenty-four?"

**"Wrong. Thirty-three."**

"Dang... Is Kisame really that old?"

**"Yeah."**

"Huh. Never would have guessed..."

The door opened and Zetsu watched in bewilderment as Hidan stormed out of the principal's office, his face red with anger. He flipped the principal off from the door way, slamming the door just as the man in charge started to yell.

"Where's your uniform?" Zetsu questioned, looking him up and down.

Hidan scowled and crossed his arms."I ain't wearing that fucking gay-ass uniform. Shiiit." He replied. Instead of the traditional school uniform which consisted of a white shirt, a pair of blue or black dress pants, and an optional blue sweater or jacket, he wore a black muscle shirt with the words "Fuck You And Your Mama Too" printed on it and torn black baggy jeans spotted with dark splotches of blood. He wore his Jashin pendant around his neck as well, although the rules clearly stated no jewlery was permitted, save for earings, watches, or rings.

**"...Other than the uniform, or lack there of, what else did you do today to get yourself in trouble?"**

Hidan grinned and folded his arms. "I got in a fight... And won. That fat bitch said that I was suspened for a while, probably a week or two. Got kind of bloody though. They said they didn't find the kid. I chucked the damn corpse out the window after I killed 'em and just told that old bastard of a principal that he ran away. You can eat it if you want."

Zetsu considered this for a moment. "Nah, I already ate. I might eat it later though..."

"Eh. Whatever." Hidan shrugged, taking a seat next to Zetsu. "That old fucker is being an especially big prick today... Took all I had not to kill or sacrifice him..."

**"Yeah... I'll bet..." **

"So, anyway, why are you here?"

Zetsu cleared his throat just before a low chuckle escaped it.

**"He ate a frog in Biology." **

"Dude, seriously? Fucking awesome!"

**"Even made the teacher barf."**

Zetsu whined a bit, looking away. "That's not something to really be proud of..."

It was too late though. Hidan was already laughing his ass off, a few tears streaming down his face. "Oh, oh my fucking Jashin that's fucking hilarious!"

"Mmnn... Not really..." Zetsu said quietly.

The principal's door opened, the rotund man motioning for Zetsu to come in.

Hidan grinned as Zetsu reluctantly got up out of his chair. "Have fun." He said bluntly.

The principal, by the name of Mr. John Krinkle, was a rather rotund looking man, what little hair he had left swept over the top of his dome and stubby little features. He had beady little black eyes and chubby cheeks, two things that constrasted each other greatly. This man also had a slight temper that boiled over the littlest things. Zetsu towered over him by at least three or four inches, watching as the little man waddled to his desk.

"Take a seat, Zetsu." Mr. Krinkle croaked, stitting down in his dark leather chair.

Zetsu did as was told, arguing with himself silently as he did so.

'Don't. Say. ANYTHING. I'll do all the talking.'

**'Fine. Be that way. I was just going to try to help...' **

"So... What happened in Biology?"

"Nothing, sir." Zetsu quietly replied.

The principal shot up out of his chair, slamming his fist against the desk. "Zetsu, do not lie to me! Your teacher ran out of the room, into my office, and then proceded to..." The man shuddered a little, as he was a bit of a neat freak, "Barf... All over my cherrywood desk!"

**'Cherrywood?! How dare he cut down a tree for his own personal gain?!'**

'Calm down...'

The portly man became a little red in the cheeks when Zetsu didn't respond, so he continued. "After her breakfast made its way onto my desk, she said she had seen something that had made her do that... She said that you had eaten ate a frog. Is this true?"

**"...** **It was good..."** Zetsu replied, covering his mouth immidiately after he uttered the words.

The principal gasped, his head shaking with rage, even though a bit wierded out by his suddenly deeper voice.

'Damnit, I told you not to talk!'

**'Well sorrrry! You have to admit it was good!'**

'Shut. UP!'

"Zetsu, you are not susposed to eat school property! I will not have this type of behavior!"

**"It's not school property if you're supposed to dissect it! In fact, how dare you desecrate a poor animal like that, operating on its corpse after you so mercilessly killed it?!" **

Zetsu decided not to cover his mouth, actually agreeing with what his other personality was saying.

Mr. Krinkle started to become redder in the cheeks, slamming his fistagainst his desk again. "If this behavior continues, I will be forced to suspend, even expell you!"

Zetsu gasped a little bit. Expulsion meant failed mission. Failed mission meant pissed off Leader. Pissed off Leader meant no more dead bodies for Zetsu to snack on.

Zetsu slowly rose from his chair, a dark shadow across his face. He walked over to the principal, his mouth twisted into a hungry and evil grin. His eyes became dark as he grabbed the man by the arm, pulling him in close.

"Z-Zetsu! Let go of me right now!" Mr. Krinkle studdered, "Or you shall be expelled this instant!"

**"...**_**No**_**..." **Zetsu growled.

_Tick. Craaack. Snap._

In one quick, swift motion, Zetsu had ripped off the head of his principal.

The decapitated corpse fell to the ground with a thud, blood splattering over everything. Zetsu started to make quick work of the body, gnawing firstly on the arms.

The principal's door slowly swung open and a bloated Zetsu stumbled out, his mouth red around the edges and gnawing on what was left of a leg bone.

**"We need a new principal..." **Zetsu muttered, finishing off the leg bone with a sickening crunch.

"Damn. Didn't think you would eat him _that_ quick." Hidan slurred, half asleep, sprawled across the chairs.

**"I saved the head." **Zetsu muttered, holding up the head of John Krinkle by his hair, the expression on face twisted into a look of pain and horror. **"You can keep it if you want, Hidan. If not, then I'll just eat it."**

Hidan grinned. "It'll be a good mini-sacrifice to hold Jashin-Sama over. Means I won't have to hunt down and murder any children for a while. Although, I will miss their screams of agony and terror..." He sighed as if the thought were a lost memory.

"Yeah... Well... We need to get Leader in here to clean this up... And look on the bright side, Hidan... At least you're not suspended any more."

Hidan cocked a brow. "I'm not? Damn... I was looking forward to no school."

-

Zetsu slammed his locker, slinging his sweater over his shoulder. The bells had rang earlier, signaling that school was over. The rest of his classes, other than Biology, had gone by quickly; his teachers had just made him sit outside of their rooms all hour. Well, except for Kakuzu's class, but that's another story for another time, yes?

For lunch, Zetsu ate the body of Christian Matthews, the boy Hidan had killed and thrown out of the window. The kid's face was smashed in and ants were crawling all over his armless corpse, but Zetsu didn't really mind.

"Fuuuuck!" A voice suddenly whined from behind him.

Zetsu sighed, turning around. "What happened now, Hidan?"

"I just got fucking suspended by the Jashin damned _secretary_! We don't even have another fucking principal yet! She shouldn't be able to fucking do that... She's not the head prick!" Hidan complained, walking up to Zetsu, hands shoved in his tattered pockets.

**"Maybe you should stop being such a shitty student." **Zetsu shrugged.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Man... You're hateful today."

"...Fuck you..."

And they bounded out of the school, hand in hand, skipping merril-

Pssh. If only.

On the way out, Hidan pushed Zetsu into a trash can, laughing evily and yelling profane words. Kisame eventually had to come and save him from his unsanitary doom. Zetsu took a fleshy chunk out of Hidan's arm later that day.

--

**Huh... I think that made no sense... Oh well.**

**Tell me if anything's wrong with it.**

**Next up will be Tobi...**


End file.
